Evan Schuman's StorefrontBacktalk

Reports from South Korea have grocers selling huge numbers of one specific line of sausages because they can be used to activate the touchscreen on an iPhone. The need for any kind of stylus for the iPhone is because the screen cannot recognize gloved fingers; the glove blocks the finger’s electrical impulses. But not just any sausage will, apparently, do. Only sausages from CJ Corp. are packaged with electrostatically charged plastic.

Let’s skip over the question of why sausages would be packed with electrostatically charged plastic. Is the Monty Python/Daily Show-caliber ludicrousness of Koreans bundled up in a cold subway car checking their E-mail with cylindrical breakfast meat enough to prompt all touchscreen manufacturers to insist that some kind of cold-weather stylus (preferably not edible) be integrated into the unit’s casing? Come to think of it, at what temperature (if any) would the touchscreen stop functioning? For doctors trying to Tweet their surgical thoughts, can the touchscreen see through rubber gloves?